Dear Rent-A-Deputy,
I know that you think your store-bought badge makes you something special. I have to agree. It certainly qualifies you for Special Education classes based on your Inbred Mental Status. The sheriff’s department really caught an awesome guy when they finally threw out those anti-obesity rules.
You must feel incredibly brave protecting your Weight Watchers eschewing wife and your biting, barking, tree humping (also inbred) German shepherd from my elderly golden retriever mix. I know Shiloh can be terrifying when he’s trying to play. Especially when he flops down on the ground so you can rub his tummy. Fearsome. I bet you had to hold your hand steady when you nailed him with a snout full of pepper spray.
Next time you feel the need to protect Tubby and Humpy with pepper spray, I have some simple instructions for you.
1) Waddle to my front door and knock. When I answer, ask: “Ally, Shiloh’s in my yard. Could you please come get him?” I will gladly retrieve my arthritic, heart-diseased retriever.
2) Enjoy your calorie loaded breakfast with Tubby and go about your day without participating in animal cruelty.
If, in the event you choose to ignore instructions 1 and 2, bypass to instructions 3 and 4.
3) Retrieve your pepper spray. Point nozzle directly at your eyes to make certain it isn’t clogged.
4) Activate spray nozzle, maintaining eye contact with it at all times.
Following these instructions will prevent you from pissing me off.
Thanks so much,
Ally
this is the first truly sad post in the short history of rantasaurus.
dante had it all wrong: the hottest and most terrible circle of hell is reserved for people who wrong dogs…especially elderly goldens and labs.
It’s totally wrong that this bastard sprayed your dog. He deserves to be slapped for that.
But what’s with the chubby-hating? He’s an asshat, definitely, but that’s got fuck all to do with his size. And his wife appears to have had nothing to do with attacking your dog, but you still throw some size-ist insults her way.
God help anyone who makes racist or sexist comments, but sadly, it seems that fat can be equated with stupidity and nastiness all the live-long day, and that’s supposed to be ok.
As a fat woman, let me tell you, it’s NOT ok. OK?
It sucks what that asshole did to your dog. Cruelty to animals comes second only to cruelty towards children. That being said, why was your dog in his yard? I have been chased around my neighborhood by loose dogs to the point that when I take a walk, I take great pains to avoid walking by any known “dog houses,” and nearly have a panic attack whenever I see a dog and no sign of a chain or pen, no matter how friendly the dog seems. Confine your pets, please!
I don’t care if your dog was in his yard or not….how are you going to pepperspray a puppy? Dogs are animals, sometimes they get out and explore. If he was concerned for his safety, he should have called animal control. I think the proper recourse for such a travesty is burning poop bags…many burning poop bags.
And btw, i am a fat girl girl too and i agree with tarn about “sizest” remarks…but i forgive you b/c you were obvioulsy under extreme emotional diress:)
I hope your puppy is ok!
I don’t have anything against size. I have everything against stupidity and being beastly. His wife likes to shout out that I’m that skinny bitch, whore, or whatever she feels like shouting that day, so a description of both their sizes seemed apropos at the time. No offense intended to anyone else.