Dear BB-
Why must you share every detail of your life with me (and the rest of the office) on a day to day basis?
I understand you’re a 40-almost-50 something mother who is trying to desperately live vicariously through your bubbly 22 year old who just got out of college and got a great job making more money than you and me, but I REALLY don’t want to hear it.
If I have to hear the vibration of your phone on your desk ONE MORE TIME, I will very possibly grab it and flush it down the nearest toilet. It’s not that you spend nearly 6 of the 8 business hours on your cell phone or work phone on personal business; it’s that you make sure the entire office can hear. Your daughter got a bonus AND a promotion? WOW! Now she can spend more of that “hard-earned” money on the cute little outfits that made her marketable in the first place.
Wait a second, your daughter has found an apartment with a fireplace in a good neighborhood? Wowie! Do you even understand how pitiful you sound when you say “We were going to look at this last one, but we made it there too late” as if your daughter has you tagging along to look at apartments because you’re going to be her cool new roomie!
When I come in excited that my fiancé of nearly two years has finally gotten off his ass and agreed to get a place to live before we get married, I don’t want to hear you butt in and sabotage the conversation and suddenly make it about your awesome, beautiful, blonde, buxom daughter who is out on her own without a man, which you obviously couldn’t do at her age. I also don’t want to hear about your friend’s Mom who passed away two weeks ago when I come in grieving that my Grandfather JUST passed away.
STOP TRYING TO RELATE TO ME. Just because I’m the same age as your daughter but am better than you at the job we perform doesn’t mean that you can try to one-up me every time I have exciting or important news. Get over the fact that you’re almost 50, your daughter is living your life, and if there was suddenly a reason that one of us had to be let go for company financial reasons, your senority won’t save you- because I’m better at my job and a hell of a lot more efficient.
GROW UP. And for Christ’s sake, pick your goddamn feet up when you walk, you sound like a goddamn elephant.
Your frustrated neighbor to the right.
~CC
