Let me give you some tips.

When you are traveling with 48 hours worth of urine once a month, make sure that you have a return flight on the same day you leave. That always piques TSA’s interest. When you check in, be sure to put the large clear plastic jug (not a shampoo bottle) on the counter where the agent will have to look directly into it. When you are asked what it is, always make sure to say that it is 48 hours worth of urine. The standard measurement for urine is in hours not gallons or liters.

Then, when you are asked to put it on the belt so that it can be x-rayed make a big deal out of how it had better not tip over because the lid doesn’t really fit that well. When they tell you that by no means can you travel with a jug of urine, inform them that you have a note from your doctor. Hand the jug to the TSA person closest to you while you rifle through your carry on to find it. It is important to take your time here.

When you finally produce the correct documentation, hand it to another TSA groper. Turn your attention away from the person holding your urine. Ignore him when he clears his throat.

When the head TSA guy comes over and demands that you open the jug, warn everyone that 48 hours of urine with highly concentrated quantities of an experimental medication does not smell pleasant. Open the jug and back away. Watch people’s eyes water. Tell them about the nature of the clinical trial that you are participating in while you absentmindedly wave the lid to the still open jug around. Observe as they follow your every movement.

When asked, replace the lid and ask someone for help carrying your stuff to the gate as, after all that, you are running late.

Seriously, this never gets old.

Funny funny writing. That was a awesome post.