R. Rhemus Reefer, ghost writer extraordinaire
Is there something important you need to put in writing but you just don’t have the time or energy to get it done? Do you know what needs to be said but you can’t get it from your head to the paper? Is it a “Dog eat dog” world and you’re wearing Milk Bone underwear? If you answered “Yes” tothese questions, then you need the Ghost Writer!
Your caffeine-laden days are long enough without the worry of how you’re going to sneak up on your keyboard. You know what you have to do and you avoid it, but once again that blank monitor screen mocks you like an unforgiving ex-wife! You have enough to worry about. I mean, when was the last time you enjoyed a meal that wasn’t served to you through your car window after shouting your disgusting order into the nightmarish face of some monstrous clown, a mutant chicken head, or a fearsome twelve foot taco? It’s time to slow down because your personal Ghost Writer is here to help!
You Ghost Writer specializes in:
Ransom Demands – Hate Letters – Love Letters
Prescription Fraud – Welfare Scams
Divorce Papers – Prenuptial Agreements – Check Forging
Identity Theft – Marriage Vows
Bank Robbery Notes – Letters to Santa Claus
Letters to God, Moses, and Satan…
AND SO MUCH MORE!
When the time comes, your personal Ghost Writer will be there for you in your darkest hour as you mourn the passing of a loved one. Put your order in early for a custom eulogy that is guaranteed to elicit tears from a stone! And for the same low fee (and a thirty day notice) the Ghost Writer will deliver your deluxe eulogy in person!
Do you need to tell that “Special Someone” to take a hike but you’re at a loss for just the right expletives? Your worries are over when you choose from Ghost Writer’s “Kick him/her to the curb” specials!
And like the Ghost Writer are you tired of the typical, boring, and time worn cardboard sentiments of the usual love-themed greeting card? You’ll be able to jump start the romance you so richly deserve when you make a selection from Ghost Writers “Ghost With the Most” birthday, Valentine, and anniversary collections!
Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened way back in April of 1865 if Abraham Lincoln had octopus tentacles instead of a beard? Think Honest Abe would’ve been able to disarm John Wilkes Booth and still be able to applaud the play? Now you can sit back and let me type that best seller!
You can rest easy knowing that the Ghost Writer will use all his powers and all his skills so your satisfaction is not just a ghost of a chance! For your convenicence, your troubles are over sooner when you try our new drive-up window for even faster service!
Rantasaurus Says: Um, can you also run a website? Daddy Rexie just needs a few days at the ol’ spa. I’m achin’ for a mani-pedi.
