Georgia J, too late for the dating Rantsplosion but just as angry
Your ranting topic got me thinkin’ about worst dates ever. And usually it’s the guy talkin’ about some psycho-ass girl who would either talk too much, wear too much make-up, question him about his ex-girlfriend or hide outside his window at night. You know, crazy shit.
Well, I take offense. I’m always cordial and wonderful on a date. It’s the men you gotta watch out for. They’re straight-up-and-down freaks.
So here’s one for the ladies.
One time I went out with a 35 year-old dude who still lived at home. If I had known this, mind you, I wouldn’t have gone out with the guy. He brought me flowers, which I thought was cute, until he admitted five seconds later that he worked for his Daddy’s flower shop and they were “today’s rejects.”
Um… cuuuuute? We went to dinner at Fresh Choice (!!!) where I paid for myself (!!!!!!) and he spent literally the entire time making pyramids of soft-serve and bread pudding and pizza and mixing them all together. Turns out he’s got the IQ of a very dumb three year-old.
At the end of the night, with the reject flowers wilting in the seat next to me and cheap macaroni and cheese still on my breath, he moved in for the kiss. Just as I was about to decline the “kindness” of his offer, his tongue was down my throat like a freakin’ pipe snake, digging for my tonsils!
I pulled back physically laughing/gagging at this point and this, this is when he admitted to me that this moment had been his FIRST KISS EVER and that he was awfully hurt that I was laughing. There was maybe even a tear glinting in his eye.
Instead of cleaning up that emotional mess, I walked right into my apartment, locked the door, opened a bottle of wine, watched a rerun of the Price is Right and had the most fun I’d had all evening.
Rantasaurus Says: TV and wine? Sounds like my kind of date. Crying and tonsil hockey? Sounds like Rexie in high school
as the mother of a nearly 3 year old, we are offended at the comparison.