Zeuzen, on the market
Clingy, gullible girl next door seeks attractive, shallow egomanic for
long-term, emotionally abusive relationship. Must be willing to condescend, call me names, and sleep with my best friend, but only while I am at work.
In exchange for all of the excitement of a man of consistent character, I promise to work daily and try really hard to save my money for when it comes time for you to start asking me to pay your bills. I’m the kind of gal who likes to plan ahead.
I am most attracted to the idea of being tied to someone with great emotional depth and fortitude, so if you have a drinking problem, please apply soon. I love the versatility of a man who is as likely to throw a beer at me as he is to drink it, especially if he can do it behind closed doors. I think this is really rewarding to better develop my sense of personal security and self-esteem.
In exchange for your deep-seated love and gratitude, I’d like to assure you
that I am the type of woman who is willing to compromise all of my standards if it translates to an opportunity to develop better self-control. However, my main goal is to support and take responsibility for your moods.
As long as you have the ability to tell me what feelings of yours I am responsible for, we can have a fabulous relationship.
Even though I must concede that you sleeping with our daughter’s schoolteacher isn’t my favorite, no man is perfect. I have reasonable
expectations when it comes to fidelity, but I’m smart enough to realize that men only only sleep with other women to know that they are loved.
In addition, I must also note that I am particularly drawn to men who are confident enough to call me a psycho or freak in public, especially because I know that my own boundary issues are to blame.
I decided to write this online ad today because I really miss being slowly retarded daily by heartfelt promises of love and faith. My last boyfriend stole his parents car, and now he’s sleeping with Brutus in the pokey. Since it’s the second time he stole a car this month, he might be there a long time. You won’t have to worry about him as competition.
I’m really easy to get along with, because I’m the kind of girl who loves everyone. I’m open-minded and flexible about most everything too, which is why exciting men are so drawn to me. I look forward to hearing from you, and should you decide I might not be your type, Happy Searching!
Rantasaurus Says: If anybody is interested in contacting Clingly, gullible girl: get in line. Rexie first!
